Liturgical Laryngitis

I've been suffering from an extended case of Liturgical Laryngitis. Okay, so the theologically trained folks would question if the word liturgical is correct and the health care folks in my realm would also offer a corrective on the word laryngitis. But, I like the alliteration, and it kind of gets to the point without absolute precision. The deal is that I feel as if I've lost my voice when it comes to speaking with God. This is not the first time, but it's been somewhat prolonged. A number of years now.

Fortunately, this go-around I'm affiliated with a less conservative denomination, so this is less of a big deal. I think the long episodes of silence are a lot more common than some would think, but it's a dirty little secret we hold onto. Sometimes we're just not that into God...but then I don't think God's always that into us, either. Seriously, if we were intended to be joined at the hip with the almighty, we wouldn't have been afforded free will ... or legs.

While Bob is somewhat cynical about the deal, I still think that releasing Mother Teresa's journals and letters about her own feelings of being apart from God for the bulk of her adult life did a service to mainline Christianity. Not saying it makes much of a difference to me one way or the other, but it may be helpful to some who are freaked out that they just aren't feeling it for a day, a week, a year, a lifetime.

Still, if I had my "druthers" I'd rather feel more of a connection than I typically do. But I don't. So what do I do? Well, a number of years ago, I told a clergy person that my approach was to fake it till I make it. I was heartened to hear that's a theologically sound approach -- one can go through the motions as an act of discipline and worship. And, as I'm fond of saying in other contexts, my mama did teach me right. One says thank you. No matter what. So, while I sometimes feel like I'm saying thank you to the wind, or more often to an empty room, I stil feel compelled to say "thanks."

I've made a conscious effort of late to take this excercise one step further: I've begun to participate in intercessory prayer again, both praying for people others lift up ... and also lifting up people who I care about in public groups to have them prayed for by the group. This is extraordinarily difficult for me for many years. I stopped believing that it's God's job to be at the beck and call of an individual. But, I do see some value in the act of group (or corporate) prayer. I think that the spirit/energy within each of us directed toward an inividual or a group of people can't hurt. When I look at it this way, then it's more like God is the magnifying glass that helps focus the energy to do more good, sort of like a beam of sunlight on a pile of leaves in a kid's back yard.

So, while I still am not sure whose ears I expect will pick up my words, I have begun to exercise my voice and to work toward a recovery from this laryngitis. Like the common cold. There's no real cure. It takes, time and rest ... and the belief that eventually this hoarseness will pass and one's voice will once again be strong and true.