God's calling -- look busy!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about call lately. Part of that has to do with one of the classes I'm taking and its primary focus of vocation. Part of it has to do with a lot of the extra activities associated with being a first-year seminarian. There are a lot of meetings and such one attends. A few weeks ago I did one of those "bubble tests" where you fill in bubbles in responses to questions such as "those voices in my head really bother me" -- well, not quite that bad, but close. Last week I went to a meeting to learn about the internship I'll need to take sooner rather than later. Last night I met with the school chaplain. Tonight I get the results of my phych eval. Sometime soon I'm also supposed to set up a meeting with a spiritual director. Part of me says this is a lot of hoops for a person to jump, but part of me also figure there have been plenty of unhealthy folks who have become clergy and if this helps weed out some of the rif-raff before they're ordained, that can't be all bad.

So, would I say what I'm feeling now about wanting to go back to school a call? I guess I'd have to say "yes" but with reservations. For a time in my life, I figured EVERYTHING was a call. I changed careers because I felt called to do so. I took on new roles because I was sure there was a call involved. When things didn't turn out, I started to think that perhaps God is a great prankster -- calling and when I run out of the figurative shower soaking wet with soap bubbles in my hair, God hangs up (perhaps a little chuckle just before the click on the other end).

Not saying that all those moves were bad ones. I had a lot of good experiences in my short career schlepping life insurance for a faith based organization. I truly felt I was doing ministry at times. Not when I was selling insurance, necessarily, although there were times when there was a true need and I felt like I was really helping a family. Rather, there were a lot of kitchen table conversations with folks where I helped them with other matters, like helping an older couple get fuel assistance or listening to an older widow as she talked through her mounting debt issues. On more than one occasion, I cried with my members (we don't call them clients in faith-based organizations). While some of sales folks give me pause, I do believe others truly see value in what they do ... and they do great service for their members. Anyway, one of my members just died. I bumped across her obit about 5 minutes ago. I hadn't thought of her in a while, but she's one I visited with regularly. A very cool old lady. I think that's what's got me thinking about this calling thing right now.

So, I'm in school now, spending lots of money to move on to a career where I'll make significantly less. Nice math. Perhaps that's part of the reason why when the call was coming in for this move, I pretended I didn't hear the ringing. Perhaps if I looked busy, God would give up and go find some other sucker to bug. No dice.

I completely reject theology that implies that God plays a direct role in career moves. In fact, I just "unfriended" someone on Facebook because this person claimed God got them their big promotion (intentional pronoun disagreement to obscure the gender of the individual). But, I do think there's something to be said for the tugging on one's heart to make a move that's sometimes unplanned or puzzling because there's an almost primordial pull to do so. That's why I'm currently in school and seeking ordination (eventually) to do, pardon the phrase, God knows what.