What does it mean to be "in community"?

I'm reading a book for class, The Church on the Margins: Living Christian Community, by Mary Sawyer. While I haven't gotten too far in it yet, I did have a bit of an insight about myself. I've often been uncomfortable with the word community. It seems to be a fairly meaningless word that has taken on the form of whomever is using it, and everyone in the room nods her head in a knowing way, as if they're somehow part of this secret community. I think it's more that no one wants to feel left out and acts as if she knows what community's all about.

I know others really embrace the word community. Bob, while not a Christian, is huge on community. He has so often used the language of "we" when describing some activity he's doing that I've had to ask him who "we" is.

I think part of my problem is that for most of my adult life, I've defined who I am by who I'm not: No, I'm not a member of [fill-in-the-name-of-mainline-protestant-religion here]. I wouldn't want to associate with them because they a) marginalize women b) marginalize my GLBT brothers and sisters c) the marginalize the immigrant d) they marginalize, as Sawyer puts it, the "other" (whatever population it is) or e) all of the above. In addition, I could have a beef with a theological stance on what the divinity of Christ means, the role of a triune God, etc. etc. ETC.

Yes, I'm the kid throws a hissy fit and leaves the "community" rather than, as a dear cousin has chosen within the smothering bounds of her conservative denomination, to "fight from within." Now I'm finding that if you've spent most of your life defining who you are by who you're not, it's extremely difficult to change. In a sense, I have become one of "them" -- I've become stuck in my progressive-liberal ways and have issue being in company of "the other." I'm also finding that I frequently irritate myself. Unfortunately, i can throw as many hissy fits as I want, but I can't leave me. So, after nearly four decades, I'm learning what a lot of people grew up knowing--tolerance begins with tolerating oneself. If you can't be open to your own changing viewpoint, how in God's name can you be tolerant of others?

So, I find it curious that my first foray into learning what it means to be "in community" in Christianity, with my non-Christian family (in the larger meaning), in my ecumenical school, in the workplace or in the world means that I first need to be in community with myself. I need to stop marginalizing myself from myself.

Easier said than done.