Fish bowls, glass houses, logs and such

I believe I encountered my first moment of living in a fishbowl on Saturday. Up to now, this mild-mannered seminarian has managed to fly under the radar -- going to school and preaching the occasional sermon by day and still having a life from time to time at night. I got together with some friends (and my mother, I might add) at a drinking establishment near the town where I graduated and also near a church that I'm still affiliated with and have delivered a couple of sermons.

I had a great time with my friends. We chatted and laughed. We got loud. We had drinks. We had fun. I suspect to at least one family, we had too much of the above. You see, this was one of those bar/restaurant deals where families and rowdies are right next to each other. I'm afraid some of the language and subject matter wafted too close to the family and got their attention. Only later did I connect the face of the unhappy-looking dad to how I knew him. I'm pretty sure he was one of the fellas who looked on approvingly just a few weeks ago when I preached at the local church. And here I was, cussing, drinking and talking about a less than saintly youth. Oh dear.

By coincidence, I happened to be going back to that church on Sunday to attend the service with my mother. I was wondering what kind of a dialog I'd be able to have with the father-figure, but he was a no-show. The sermon text, however, was telling: Matthew 7:1-5...

“Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. ²For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. ³Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? ⁴Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye."

Now, this could say that I got a pass for behavior that many good church-going types would say is unbecoming a preacher. Sure, it does to a point. I'll be the first to shout from the rooftops "Big ol' log here! Look out! Coming through!" But the point of the sermon was a good one, too... shouldn't we be able to hold some set of criteria from which we can measure ourselves up? I suppose, yes.

There's a lot of anguish with the Unitarians on campus that they aren't sure how they can go to a Christian school and yet still be authentic to their beliefs. I understand where they're coming from. I'm no picture of perfection, nor is that what I strive for. My struggle is figuring out how to be authentic to who I am: a quirky gal who sometimes says and does inappropriate things, but really does try to do her best ... and often fails. A lot. This is on my mind pretty heavy at the moment because I'm starting the process in which I seek the support of my denomination and formally enter an ordination track. That means that I need to temper some of the things I say and maybe be more careful about what I do. I need to realize more fully that my words and actions have an impact on others, whether I like it or not.

The argument might be that I should be self-monitoring anyway. My response to that line of thinking is whether clergy, lay, or simply a citizen of this planet, isn't that what we should all be doing? I'm willing to live in a fishbowl or a glass house take a peek, toss a rock, whatever. But be forewarned -- occasionally you're going to get mooned. I guess we're all going to have to learn to live with it.